I was bitter? I don’t know the correct term but I was just sad and relieved at the same time. I joined this contest where I can win flight tix, accommodations, and concert tickets for Sonic Bang happening in Thailand. All I wanted was to see Epik High perform live. For too many reasons: August is Epik High Philippines 3rd Anniversary, this is Epik High’s 10th year anniversary, my only chance to see them since I can’t risk being denied for a Korean visa again this year, and I…just want to finally see them.

Work load has been eating me, my stress level just way up high…I can’t resign, I don’t have any means of living and fangirling. J

Anyway, I did my best. And the best thing I did was trying. Trying hard even if I fail. And failing too many times---well it hurts but it makes me think things and be strong.

But still it hurts.

I appreciate the people who actually helped me by liking my entry and sharing it to their friends. I even have one friend who do cover acts , who doesn’t really do fansigns for his supporters, but did it anyway to help me raise ‘LIKE’ points. He even asks for update. I appreciated it. Even the cheering comments, it boosts me. Thankful for everyone.

But aside from ‘popularity’, there goes creativity and dedication~ that part, well, I only learned the exact mechanics when I received the confirmation email for my entry. Well, I worked for it—with everyone’s help. It was sleepless nights when I was supposed to be resting because I was on sick leave. See, there is only one winner per country. And here in the Philippines, there’s two of us fighting hard for that spot unlike the other countries...

Then a couple of weeks of waiting for the result, then Channel [V]’s fanpage just disappeared, and I’ve been checking my email all day, every day. Hoping for any confirmation – may it be good news or not so good one.

I was hoping. I was against a fan of Jason Mraz, well, she got ahead since she posted sooner. And I honestly love her entries. BUT. I so wanted to tell her about me being a fan of Epik High…it might be the only chance I will get to see Epik High. Jason Mraz always comes here in the Philippines…*DEEP SIGH*

Then came yesterday. I doubt they’d be announcing winner this weekend – last chance would be on Monday. BUT I learned through a friend that there are already winners. I know the girl who won in Singapore, we have a common friend, and they finally told me she was already contacted. I’m happy for her: SHE’S AN EPIK HIGH FAN.

And I’m assuming, the Jason Mraz girl fan won. 

Yeah, it hurts. This was the same feeling I had when my Visa for Korea was denied. Damn. My reason for going to Korean with a friend last March was to celebrate BtoB’s first anniversary there…but yeah, declined. AND NOW not being able to see Epik High…just DAMN.

If people only knew the worries I got in me because I’m too f***ed up with work.

Still, I dunno…Imma be okay. Give it a week and ice cream and random shoe buying. YES. I’ll be fine maybe after August 25 and not opening my SNS account for 2 weeks. Yes…

Oh well, this song still made me smile, as always. The only uplifting song in Tablo’s Fever’s End album…just being positive against the bullshit happening. 

My day was just extremely~~~ mind tiring. I’m still having a hard time sleeping, then almost afraid of eating with anything oily when those were the only food at home (almost collapsed from eating oatmeal only), then I’m into sending entry after entry for Channel [V]’s contest to see Epik High live in Bangkok, then gone out for my ‘diet’ grocery list – good thing I had dinner with a friend/it’s nice to see familiar faces -, then when I was on my way home I read some sad news for an international site I’m handling for my most fave group, then I have too many stuffs to do with an event for YG fanclubs, then some more for SJ, then….wow… I need to breathe.

Anyway, I was in tears while I was on the jeepney ride back home. I felt like losing family when I read that news. It’s quite sad---hopefully this can end well. If it can’t be fixed—I just hope we all part ways in good terms. We supported the same group after all. We knew that group long before people supported them, and even judged them badly at first. Anyway, I’m not making sense. I was just devastated. YUP.

Then it hit me --- I wonder how you boys cope up with this kind of situation? At that moment, I didn’t have someone to talk to, good thing I had this song recently added on my playlist. Mighty Mouth always makes me smile with their upbeat songs. Just wanted to share it to you.., hopefully not but just incase somebody feels the way I’m feeling right now-enjoy Mighty Mouth.

Love yah BTOB!

sheotako, Born to Beat, B to B, btob, minhyuk, peniel, ilhoon, hyunsik, changsub, eunkwang, sungjae, rappers