How are you?

Not a so random question…just wanted to know how your day has been, really.

Lately, I’ve been really tired to the point of exhaustion. And surprisingly, it goes to all aspect: physically, emotionally, mentally. I’m under meds (again) for my asthma and some supplements to restore my immune system. I’m just thankful I wasn’t admitted –it will cost more money. I’ve been crying a lot lately as well – life matters. And mentally, my mind just wants to shut off. I’m in no crisis, it’s just an indication that I really need a vacation.

This kind of exhaustion brings me to a point of just wanting to sleep for a really long time. Music can’t even save me and calm me now. I want to shut the world off, not know anything, not be updated, no nothing.  But hey, I’m wanting the impossible.

Anyway, I hate to admit this but for some reason I’m irritated with you (Changsub). There is/are reason/s but I DON’T KNOW WHAT. No idea. Moola. Everything you do irks me. Even your new skin color! Your 4D antics no longer funny. Well, what’s wrong with me?

This happened after the issue you guys had/or still having. It’s some shizz you know, fans “wanting” to own you boys. It closed the door for us international fans wanting to see you upclose and give our gifts directly, and hope for a second of small talk. It closed the doors for us to have such moments and forever lasting memories. Too selfish of them. And that’s one reason why I often get to leave a fandom (not completely though). Selfish fans.

I shouldn’t be really affected, you’re the one I support not them…but it is indeed tiring to have this kinds of drama in a fandom. I started and followed you boys since you make me smile and have fun…but no more of that for now. I just wish I can have that reason back. I still love you all, pursing the supports planned for you all… but I hope in the end I’d still think this is all worth it. I

SIGH. I’m into Block B as of the moment. Listening to their songs, to which I should have done early on their fandom. No dramas for now.

I know some would think my thoughts don’t matter. But I think every Melody matters. Because as long as there is one Melody who believes in BTOB, I know they’ll continue to push on.

I’m still a Melody.  A tired-noona-MELODY. That is.


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sheotako, Born to Beat, B to B, btob, minhyuk, peniel, ilhoon, hyunsik, changsub, eunkwang, sungjae, rappers